Oh yeah…we’ve known for many years that 2013 would mark our only surviving brother’s 50th birthday. Although several of us tossed around ideas of what to do for a celebration, my sister-in-law sent a text saying that she’s throwing him a surprise party on July 19th. My sister and I promptly turned to the internet and checked to see if we could afford a “last-minute” flight to Florida. After finding airfare that fit within our budget, we quickly reserved three seats, one each for us girls and another for dad (pops). We decided not to let anyone know we would be there and keep it as a surprise for everyone.
After waiting two very long weeks, our departure date finally arrived. We woke early to finish some last-minute things on our to-do list, the zipped off to the airport (a full 10 minute drive), with enough time to find long-term parking, hitch a ride on a shuttle to the ticket counter, file through security, and make it to our gate. Once arriving at the gate, we had about 20 minutes before they started boarding.
But wait, I am getting a little ahead of myself; let’s start from the beginning.
Security, Police Wanna-Be’s, Whatever You Call Them
I guess I should start with letting you know my sister “B” hasn’t flown in almost ten years as it will help you better understand her craziness. So, it started at the security check point. I explained to her that you all but strip (or so I sometimes feel) to pass through security. I explained the totes that you have to put everything in them and walk through the body scanner with nothing in your hands or pockets. (Talk about deer in headlight eyes.)
I walked through the scanner first and was asked to step aside. The TSA “woman” felt up my hair and quickly learned the bleep they were alerted of was only my hair clip. After being cleared to retrieve my belongings, I walked over to my bag and was greeted with “Is this your bag?” Yes, was my reply. I was then informed that my bag needed to be searched, was asked to step over to another table with the TSA agent and was instructed not to touch the bag while it was being searched. I said “sure thing” and stood calmly while she searched the bag, knowing I had nothing to hide.
While standing there as my bag was being searched, I looked over my shoulder I saw dad exiting the body scanner and my sister stepping in. She was told to raise her hands above her head and assumed the “position.” Being the goofball she is her comment was “ready for my spray tan.” Nobody other than dad and me thought her comment was funny and I was laughing my head off while standing at the all serious search table with the TSA agent.
The Official Search
I am standing there, my carry on bag being searched and after the TSA agent opened the bag she went directly to my brother’s birthday gift which was in six parts. As she removed one of the items, the conversation went like this:
TSA: This is a non-allowable item.
Me: What, really?
TSA: Yes, this is what we consider “slurry.”
Me: Slurry? It’s not slurry, it’s Dixie Chili.
TSA: Sorry, we cannot allow it on the plane.
Me: It is in the original sealed can, not opened or tampered with.
Sister: Can we put our name on it and pick it up when we return in two days?
TSA: Sorry, we have to dispose of it.
Me: Yeah, we know what y’all are having for lunch.
Sister: Dixie Chili
So needless to say, brother did not get his six cans of the delicious Dixie Chili for his birthday but he thoroughly enjoyed the story and found the events at CVG Airport Security rather humorous, as we all did. (We haven’t even started the 3-day weekend and already….adventures are starting.)
On our walk to the gate dad shared with me that not only did he go though the body scanner, he also got the hands-on treatment. To my amazement he asked the groping agent if “they were buying him dinner or at least giving him flowers.” Gotta love the witty old man and his sense of humor.
Watch out Florida…here we come!
Check back for Part 2~The Phone Call