Before it’s too late.

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I have something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly.  Again, I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I did not know how to open my mouth.  But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.  She did not seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question.  This made her angry.  She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we did not talk to each other.  She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage.  But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Carol. I did not love her anymore.  I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.  She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces.  The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger.  I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Carol so dearly.  Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see.  To me her cry was actually a kind of release.  The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

couple-sleepingThe next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I did not have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Carol.  When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she did not want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce.  She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible.  Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she did not want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me.  But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.  She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy.  Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Carol about my wife’s divorce conditions, she laughed loudly and thought it was absurd.  No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I had not had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed.  So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy.  Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms.  His words brought me a sense of pain.  From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms.  She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce.  I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest, I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I had not looked at this woman carefully for a long time.  I realized she was not young any more.  There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying!  Our marriage had taken its toll on her.  For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning.  This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.  On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again.  I did not tell Carol about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by.  Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning.  She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one.  Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger.  I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out.  To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life.  My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly.  I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute.  I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway.  Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally.  I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.  Our son had gone to school.  I held her tightly and said, I had not noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door.  I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Carol opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Carol, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.  Do you have a fever?  She asked.  I moved her hand off my head.  Sorry, Carol, I said, I will not divorce.  My marriage life was boring probably because she and I did not value the details of our lives, not because we did not love each other anymore.  Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.  Carol seemed to suddenly wake up.  She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears.  I walked downstairs and drove away.  At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife.  The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card.  I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

flowers1That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed, dead.  My wife had been fighting cancer for months and I was so busy with Carol to even notice.  She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.  At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank.  These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your significant’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. If you are not in a relationship now, remember this for the second (or third) time around. It’s never too late.

(This story shared from Facebook, author unknown)

The moral of the story is what really matters.

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Re-posted from Facebook.

A young man had a girlfriend and he was getting tired of her because she sent him messages every hour that said “I miss you” or “I love you”.

One night before bed he received a message, but rather than read it went to sleep. In the morning he was awakened by a call. It was girlfriend’s mother crying saying that his girlfriend was killed last night. He was in a state of shock, went to read the message: “My sweetheart, come quickly, I think someone is following me!”.

Moral of the story: never reject those who love, care, and try to reach out to you, because one day you’ll realize you lost the moon while counting the stars!

Don’t take for granted who you have in your life today; you may wake tomorrow only to find they are gone….forever.

To you, from me.

hand_reaching_outLife sometimes gets in they way of living.  I know you are going through some challenges;  and I’ve tried several times to reach out and let you know I was there, to be a source of strength for you…just to be there for you.

My communication has only been met with silence.  I wanted to be a source of support; so I can only surmise that in the end, I am not the one you turned to when you needed someone there next to you.  That’s okay, I won’t lie and say I understand your reasoning, because I do not.  I thought things were changing, sadly said…I must have been mistaken.  (If I am mistaken about being mistaken, only you can set it straight.)

It is difficult to remain optimistic about the future when what is going on in your life is not shared.  Only at your request did I open up and shared, even when I was hesitant in doing so and expressed my reservations to you.  Why you ask, because it was you who asked for me to listen to what you had to say.  Surely you know I would have not been so open to listening had it been another with the same request, regardless of how sincere they seemed to be.

tearsI hope you can find solace, peace, and happiness in your decision and any tears that may have shed are dried by a loving hand.

You Look So Good In Love!

A Lifetime…Searching

We spend our lives longing for and searching for it.  We talk about it, what it means to us, and at some point in our lives, we have all hoped that the purest and truest sense of it…finds us.  For some, it consumes their every moment and others confuse it with lust.  What is it?  It has been call one of nature’s greatest gifts.  It’s LOVE.

What is love? Can it be measured equally among mankind, or can it be measured at all?  Is it unconditional?  Love means different things to different people and I believe that two people who are in love, will share somewhat the same views of love and what it means between them, in their relationship.

The Magic, The Warmth, The Security

Love is the magnificent work of nature that guides a blind heart.  Love is patient, love protects and does not judge.  Love is romantic, it bonds, is intimate, and connects.  Love is thrilling, fascinating, and complex.  Love is committed, comforting, warm, and secure.  No matter how you feel it, love is real, love is true.  Love can make a woman feel sexy and a man more masculine.  Some believe love is something that sweeps us off our feet, knocks our socks off, or bells and whistles will sound in our head when we are in the depths of it.  Love can join lovers or bound best friends; it is never the same in different relationships.  Why is it called “falling in love” when we experience a feeling of utopia and are on Cloud 9?

Some have bought companionship, attention, loyalty, or compassion; but love itself cannot be bought.  But what is love, and how do we know when we are in “it“?   People have commented to others “Love looks good on you“, and there are song lyrics which sing “You Look So Good In Love.”  We’ve also heard that the less love you have in your life, the more room you have for depression to settle in. Love=Happiness.

So, what is love?  It’s the smile that is plastered across your face when your someone special walks in the room.  It’s sweaty palms and pounding heart.  It’s the stars in their eyes when they look at you!

That’s what love is! Are you in it?