1. Saying “I love you” immediately before, during, or following sex doesn’t count.
2. We will leave if you lie.
3. We love it when you hug us from behind and whisper in our ear.
4. “Fine” is never an appropriate response when we ask you how we look.
5. Most of the time when we fantasize…it is about you.
6. We are terrified of becoming our mother, even though we admire her.
7. We get excited by simply seeing that we have an e-mail from you.
8. We expect you to call us.
9. It turns us on when you move our hair to tenderly kiss our neck.
10. Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants.
11. Please listen. Not because what we are about to say will rock your world, but because listening is a sign of respect that rocks our world.
12. We are scared of losing our independence.
13. Oral pleasure is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes also do the trick.
14. You did something bad. We seem cool with it. Umm..we’re not! (See #13.)
15. If we are not having sex with you, we are either; a) having a fat day; b) not feeling well; c) not feeling “connected” to you; or d) blackmailing you to get something we want. (Most likely it is NOT “d”)
16. Never, ever forget a birthday or anniversary. Write it down, put it in your phone or calendar to remind you.
17. Shoes determine whether you’re fashionable or not.
18. Take control in the bedroom. Don’t ask “Is this okay?” Trust us, if we don’t like it we will let you know!
19. Getting a bikini wax is the most painful thing ever. We do it for you. You better appreciate it.
20. While it is the age of the independent woman, we do want to be cared for. In return, we will take care of you.
21. Yes, it bothers us when you check out, comment, or drool over other women. It’s not because we’re insecure but we put effort into how we look for you and we would like for it to be appreciated. Besides, it’s just rude! Have some manners and show your lady the respect she deserves.
22. Court us. Treat us like the lady we are. That includes paying on a first date. In fact, don’t even make us feel like we have to do a courtesy gesture and reach for our wallet. If not, we’ll find a man who won’t ever let us reach for the bill or go dutch.
23. Just because we are capable does not mean we want to do everything ourselves.
24. Your pants should not be tighter than ours. Ever!
25. Sexy lingerie is often itchy and uncomfortable so if we come out wearing it, you better have a big ‘ole smile on your face.
26. We own a Debbie Gibson CD, and we are not afraid to use it.
27. When giving a compliment, be specific. We know we have nice legs, but if you tell me you love how my thigh curves “like that,” it’s a real turn-on. Also, you should know that you can never give too many compliments, as long as they’re sincere.
28. When we compare our flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing!
29. When you are ready, we want you to tell us you love us; and we want you to match your actions to your words.
30. Do not ever comment on our weight except to say how thin and beautiful we look.
31. We are not your “mother.” When we ask you to please pick up the towels (insert any object here), do the dishes (replace with any activity here) or remind you to do something (substitute for anything). Do it the first time we ask and we won’t even remind you of her. Trust us, being your mom is the last thing we want to be to you.
32. Compliment us. Telling us we are pretty, hot, beautiful, etc will never do any harm for either party involved. Thanks in advance.
33. We love it when our guy plans the occasional fancy-schmancy dress-up date, impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys our favorite candy in advance when we’re just going to the movies.
34. You should never tell us what to do.
35. When we have a problem all we really want is for you to listen. Don’t try to fix it. The only thing we really want is for your to hold us and let us know it will be okay.
36. If we slept over, you owe us breakfast.
37. Manscape! Excessive hair anywhere is gross!
38. We are suckers for romance.
39. Our breasts love attention too.
40. Confidence is more attractive than good looks; but being overly cocky is a total turn-off. It’ll send our douche meter sky-rocketing.
41. Emotion is not a sign of weakness. You can be vulnerable around us. However, if you cry at Hallmark commercials, we’ll be very uncomfortable. No woman wants a wimpy “Danny” downer.
42. Boxer briefs are a good bet. Always!
43. If you ask me out directly, your chances have increased greatly.
44. We will be emotional sometimes. We can’t help it. It’s scientific so remember: this too shall pass… and then likely recur in another 28-days.
45. We are impressed when you ask for our advice.
46. We are unimpressed with a man who doesn’t take the lead a majority of the time.
47. Bad hygiene is a TOTAL turn-off. This includes: bad breath (carry Altoids, gum, a toothbrush – we don’t care), dirty fingernails (sure bet we don’t let you touch us), BO (wear deodorant or cologne – just don’t overdo it), etc. We want to know you take care of yourself because it shows you’re capable of taking care us.
48. A few words of appreciation go a long way.
49. When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color.
50. We love it when you reach for and hold our hand, even in public.
(Part 2 on 9/15 )