19 Ponderisms

This was posted on my FB page by my cousin Steve; I laughed so hard I just had to share on my blog. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did this morning.  Time to do the “Happy Dance” because it is FRIDAY!

Things to ponder and help you get through your day.
“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”

PONDERISMS

1· I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

2· There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.Laughter

3· Life is sexually transmitted.

4· Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

5· The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

6· Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

7· Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

8· Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

9· All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

10· In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

11· How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

12· Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out”?

13· If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

14· Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look at you, in all of your glory, anyway?

15· If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

16· If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

17· Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

18· Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

19· Why doesn’t super glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

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This entry was posted in Happiness, Home, Life, Life's-Adventures, Miscellaneous, Think and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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