Stuff Guys Are Dying to Tell Us…

…But Can’t Won’t

It has been a long-standing belief that guys fill their days minds thinking about beer, sports, and sex.

After catching up on my reading this summer, I have learned that is not necessarily the end of their thoughts.  It seems, in addition to the three subjects listed above, guys spend a good amount of time thinking about their significant other/wife/girlfriend (hopefully he only has one of these at any given time), or he envisions what his future wife/girlfriend/significant other will look like.  He thinks about the color of her hair, her smile, her scent, her profession, and where/when they will meet.

Compiled from several public sources (internet and print), below is a list of things guys wish we knew about them and what they are thinking!

1.  You are more powerful than you think.

In that single moment when you glance in our direction, we lock eyes, and all we feel is our heart beating through our chest!  You have us; and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it!

2.  Shopping is a chore, not an activity.

3.  When I screw up, go ahead and tell me—once.

4.  No question need ever be asked through a closed bathroom door if I’m inside.  I love you less with each syllable you utter.

5.  My guy friends, not only are they not negotiable, they’re your best sign that I’m not a whack job.

6. You are beautiful, even when you don’t try so hard.

I wish women knew even though we appreciate you taking hours to get dressed and ‘put on your face,’ it’s no longer necessary.  Superficial beauty catches our attention but natural beauty keeps it.

7.  Don’t be afraid to ditch the makeup.  Natural is sexier.

8.  Your teenage tendencies are a major turn off.

9.  We enjoy romance, but sometimes doubt our skills to be romantic or in meeting your romantic expectations.

10.  We would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected

11.  DVD’s don’t make the perfect gift.

I wish women knew that just because we talk about our favorite movie all the time, we don’t want it on DVD as our Christmas gift. We already own it. Actually, we don’t want DVDs period. It’s 2012.

12.  You can have sex with us any time you want. Seriously.

13.  Drop hints to avoid disappointing gifts, please!

14.  We mean well.

As guys, we’re always trying to do or say something with the best of intentions, but it always seems to backfire. We mean well. Give us the benefit of the doubt once in a while!

15.  Saying “I love you” is a huge step for a guy.

Everybody wants to hear “I love you” at some point. But copping to those three little words is arguably a bigger step for men than women and it isn’t uttered lightly. Rushing a man makes him worry that you are more in love with the idea of being in love with someone — anyone — than paying attention to what’s really happening between the two of you.

16.  We care about much more than looks.

Women need to know that looks aren’t the only thing that matters to us. If I want to be in a relationship with somebody, I need to have a deeper connection with them than just the physical. The best thing that a woman could do to attract me is to be herself.

17.  Independent women are very sexy, but it’s nice to be needed…as long as you don’t demand all our time.

18. Cookies, cakes and the kitchen.

When you cook for us, it’s the sexiest thing ever. We love food and we love women, so a woman who can feed us pretty much covers all the bases. Watching you cook is better foreplay than pretty much anything, unless you’re cooking wearing only an apron, then it is the best foreplay — ever.

19.  When you get angry over some stupid little pointless thing, I question your intelligence.

20.  Confidence is sexier than any lingerie

21.  We like watching chick flicks like Chocolat with you because we learn something. That doesn’t mean we won’t make fun of it behind your back.

22.  When the game is on, we will pay attention to you if you’re nice about it.  Bark, and we shut down.

23.  We are insecure — just like you.

24.  There’s no better sound in the world than you, having the big “O”.

25.  Let me think I am the funniest guy you know.

Ladies, we don’t like when you’re laughing too hard at another man’s jokes. Unless we’re at a comedy club or he’s your father, there’s no reason for that.

26.  I just may lie to make you feel good.  Don’t be angry about this; you really weren’t looking for the truth anyway.

27.  It means something when we introduce you to our friends.

Long, lingering dates and cocooning together at home are wonderful in the early days of any relationship, but there comes a point where integration — or, more specifically, the lack of it — into a man’s life can signal that this guy doesn’t see you as his girlfriend. If you’re still spending all your time alone together with nary a friend or family member of his in sight after a few months, don’t get confused: you’re having some kind of an affair, not a relationship.

28.  Spring means baseball and skirts.  Doesn’t need to be a mini-skirt; it’s been a long winter.

29.  We crave hugs and hand-holding too.  And no, it doesn’t always have to lead to sex. (But you can have sex with us anytime you want, did we mention that?)

30.  Chicks who drink beer are hot. Better yet: chicks who drink beer and watch the game. Better still: chicks who buy us a beer during the game.

31.  If I offer my help while you’re getting ready, it means you are running late.

32.  You don’t really want to know what we’re thinking.

Men’s minds, like their eyes, tend to wander. You ask, “What are you thinking?” And you get a blank stare. It’s not because we’re not thinking anything, but because we know you don’t care about the finer points of a 3-4 defense, who would win in a fight between a ninja and a pirate (ninja, in case you’re wondering), or how many hot dogs we think we could eat in 20 minutes. So, when we reply, “How beautiful you are…” Just accept it.

33.  Sometimes we wait too long to call after a date because we’re scared we’ll mess things up or seem desperate.

34.  You are really bad at faking it.

35.  Women have so many ways of loving someone. We have to learn to train our emotions to work like that.

36.  Even we like compliments every once in a while.

37.  When we ask what you’re wearing, describe something sexy…even if you’re in a sweat suit.

38.  We shove our feelings deep down inside and never bring them up again. That’s why we don’t live as long as women do.

39.  A random unexpected grope is always welcome, even in public.  Especially in public.

40.  We love ponytails.

41.  We don’t mind being told we look good.  Just don’t call it a “cute outfit.”

42.  Do not expect to have a conversation via text message unless you use the words “naked” and “waiting.”

43.  Sure, men stereotypically like to solve a woman’s problems.  But a woman who solves her own while we watch? Instant erection.

44.  We go crazy over a beautiful smile.

45.  Never say, “I know you better than you know yourself.” Nobody does!

46. We get nervous about having sex with you for the first time too, especially if there’s been a lot of buildup to that moment.

47.  We have a keen sense of imminent danger. It sounds like, “Do you think she’s pretty?”

48.  We love you even more because you know we need to go out with the guys once in a while.

49.  Men like it when women make the first move.  No, really, we do.

50.  No, I don’t remember what (s)he said next, or anybody, for that matter.  I’m a guy, not a tape recorder.

51.  Your hair is like 14 inches long, how are we supposed to notice a quarter inch missing.

52.  For every fart that slips out when you are around we successfully hold in about 15, enduring excruciating pain to do this.

53.  If you ask us to go shopping you have to at least entertain the idea of having sex in a changing room

54.  I don’t ask for directions because I’m just happy to be driving. Anywhere.

55.  Guys are stuck in the Stone Age…and we like it!

I wish women understood that no matter how much they may think their man is evolved, we are very basic. Even the most manscaped guy in a Brooks Brothers suit is a caveman at heart. Let us grunt and be ourselves and we will gladly drag your dinner home.
Check back tomorrow for the other side and some of the “Things we want our guy to know.”
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